This night no one would see the tears in my eyes.
Night hides them tonight. Some loneliness and strange isolation surrounds me
this evening. No one will ask why the tears blurred my eyes, no one will ask me
what's wrong with me, nobody will interested in how I feel, and my wet face see
and caresses only night. This quiet and cozy night calms me somewhat. Clouds
walk the sky and seems to me that all those will be passed. Yes, I know,
anything-goes, there will be better days, but it seems that better days packed
and fled from me.
Outside is so pleasant to walk or talk with the head
in someone's lap or on someone's shoulder, hand in someone's hair or someone's
arms. And tears stir up my eyes again, clear memory and wet face. Hair hiding
me from the light bulbs, and fluffy clouds are removing and leave me to
flickering, silent view of countless stars. But they keep quiet, they will not
tell anyone my secret, they will not tell anyone about my tears and loneliness.
The pale moon, wrapped in spider web of space look like a large orange slices,
calmly and proudly walks on the dark vastness of the night and trying to bring
back light to my eyes. And at the last time, I, . . . I have been living in a dream. If it is a
nice, the tears would not be turned in my eyes, the heart would not be beating
harder and smile would be inbreathe with a little bit of beauty or at least a
little bit of tenderness for this impersonal face. Around me it's all so
unreal, I haven't solid support, a nightmare surrounds me, and look like that I
levitate. There is no ground under my feet, it's move away and filling as
falling down in a infinity without bottomless and endless boundaries. I feel as
falling down, like Alice into something dark and cold, unfamiliar and cruel.
Alice stopped in a strange country of friends, and I have been long falling
through without hope that I can stop anywhere, and especially not somewhere in
flowers surrounded by friends and care. I don’t know why everything around me is
black.
Tears is bright,
face wet and unruly hair falling on her shoulders. Leaves are rustling on a
gentle breeze,
trains roaring, and I cry. No, not crying
anymore. I
don't know why I'm crying because now my
eyes is dry,
heart is empty, and I. . . I don't know how I
feel.
That's so
weird.
I'm not calm,
nor upset.
I'm not sad,
nor happy.
Clock ticking disturb the current silence, barking dogs
coming from a distance,
the wind plays with a curtain.
Shadows on the wall wake up my imagination,
hair caressing me.
No, this night, no one saw the tears in my
eyes.
-----------------------------------------
Ove noci niko nece videti suze u mojim ocima. Skriva ih noc, usamljenost i cudna izolovanost koja me okruzuje ove veceri. Niko se nece upitati zasto su suze zamutile moj pogled, niko me nece upitati sta mi je, nikoga nece interesovati kako se osecam, a moje vlazno lice samo noc vidi i miluje. Ova tiha i prijatna noc me donekle smiruje. Oblaci setaju nebom i kao da me tese da ce sve to proci. Da, znam, sve je prolazno, doci ce bolji dani, ali izgleda da se i ti bolji dani sklanjaju i beze od mene.
Napolju je tako prijatno za setnju ili razgovor s glavom u necijem krilu
ili na necijem ramenu, sa rukom u necijoj kosi, u necijem narucju. A meni suze
opet mute misli, bistre secanja i vlaze lice. Kosa me krije od svetlosti
svetiljki, a paperjasti oblaci se sklanjaju i prepustaju me treptavim, nemim
pogledima bezbrojnih zvezda. Ali, one cute, one nece nikome reci moju tajnu,
one nece nikome reci za moje suze i samocu. Bledi Mesec obavijen paucinom svemira podseca na
veliku krisku narandze, mirno i gordo seta tamnim prostranstvima noci i pokusava
da vrati svetlost mojim ocima. A, ja u poslednje vreme zivim kao u nekom snu.
Da je lep suze se ne bi vrtele u ocima, srce ne bi lupalo jace i osmeh bi
udahnuo bar truncicu lepote ili bar malo neznosti ovom bezlicnom licu. Oko mene
je sve tako nestvarno, nemam cvrstog oslonca, okruzuje me neki kosmar, a ja kao
da lebdim. Nema mi tla pod nogama, izmice se i kao da padam u neki beskraj bez
dna i granica. Osecam se kao da propadam, kao Alisa, u nesto mracno i hladno,
nepoznato i okrutno. Alisa se bar zaustavila u cudnoj zemlji prijatelja, a ja
vec dugo propadam bez nade da cu se negde zaustaviti, a posebno ne negde u cvecu
okruzena prijateljima i paznjom. Ne znam zasto je sve oko mene crno.
Suze su svetle, lice
vlazno, a kosa nemirno pada na ramena. Lisce sumi na blagom povetarcu, vozovi
urlicu, a ja placem. Ne, ne placem vise. Ne
znam ni zasto sam plakala jer su mi oci sada suve, srce pusto, a ja . . . ja ne
znam ni kako se osecam. To je tako cudno. Nisam mirna, nisam ni uznemirena,
nisam tuzna, a ni radosna. Otkucaji sata remete trenutnu tisinu, lavez pasa
dopire iz daljine, vetar
se igra zavesom a senke na zidu mi bude mastu, kosa me miluje.
Ne, ove noci
niko nije video suze u mojim ocima.
By DeeDee
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